She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
