At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
