Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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