You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
