I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
