i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
