Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
