He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize