hotel room ftw
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
