If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
