You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
