Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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