my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
