I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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