i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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