Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
