I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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