so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
