i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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