you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
