That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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