Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
