had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
