got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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