mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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