dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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