She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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