Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
