If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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