we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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