Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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