He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
