She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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