omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
