I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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