I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
