It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
