I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
