I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
