Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
