I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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