when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
