People in love make me want to vomit
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize