Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
