The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize