i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
