It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
