booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i believe in u and ur pee
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
