dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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