Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
