i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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