Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ugly people sure do ruin things
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
