So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
