I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
