don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
