i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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