butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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