it was like eating out sand paper
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found the puke drawer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
