This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
