I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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