i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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