How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
